Well, I was going to come on here this morning and tell you that I have failed miserably. But then I decided failure could only occur if I quit trying. I smoked....a lot. The more I try to not think about smoking the more I want to actually smoke. Mind over matter people..I can do this. Heres my "plan":

*Be honest about my shortcomings: I am not perfect. I have a weak mind. When I fall, I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it..

Okay, so that isn't a very well thought out plan but its a start...

Today is the First day of the Rest of my Life...I think

I NEED to quit smoking. Its not a maybe or a should or a could...its a need. I am going to die..get wrinkly, smell, influence others to smoke, be addicted forever. How does it feel not to be addicted to anything?? I can't even remember what it was like when I wasn't a smoker. I have only been smoking for about 4 years, 4 years too long. I am out of cigarettes, except for the one in my desk. I am scared to fail but I know I can do it. Just say NO, lol. I can't sleep any worse than I have been. I want more energy, to be able to work a whole day without taking a "smoke" break every two hours..its absurd really. I begin my day with a cigarette and end my day with one. Its like a clock..tick tock tick tock..then the alarm goes off..SMOKE COME AND GET IT..So officially I am going to put in one helluva effort to quit smoking, starting now...The last cigarette I smoked was at 4:15. Wish me luck!!! I'll keep my 1 follower (WAHOO! I have a follower!! :) updated. :D

Scaredy Cat

My boyfriend and I have had an on again, off again relationship. On one of the off again occasions, I left on bad terms with the MIL and the SIL. And needless to say I am scared to death of them both. Its not that they are overtly mean or snub me everytime they see me. Well the SIL glares at me when she sees me so shes excluded. But mostly I try to avoid them at ALL costs and I mean at ALL costs. I won't go over to the bf's house if they are home unless its late at night and they won't see me. And if they are home, I hide out in his room. I don't know if its my guilt from how things ended or maybe I feel like they are going to judge me based on my relationship with the said bf.
The idea of inserting myself back into their life ie. birthdays, dinner, whatever sends me backpedaling to my cave. I keep telling myself to suck it up, hold my head high and just "do" it. Its absurd, I'm absurd..Are any of you scared of the In-laws? What do or did you do to combat it?